The irreverent musings of a sardonic wisenheimer who’s prone to fits of hopefulness and hypersensitivity.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Favorite Status Updates Part 3
Time for more favorite Facebook status updates, in random order:
- Patrick Diehl is sorry to kill your Friday night party buzz, but does anybody else wonder why we're bombing Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan and Yemen? I shudder to think how things would look if we didn't have a Nobel Peace Prize winner in the White House.
- "You know what makes a really great businessman? When your father has $400 million dollars, and dies. Or as Trump calls it, 'the art of the deal'." ~ Bill Maher
- It's the hypocrisy of the right that spurs me to give Anthony Weiner a pass. No one's vilifying Gingrich or Vitter or Sanford or Ensign or Schwarzenegger for genuine infidelity, yet Weiner's being clobbered for a less significant, albeit stupid, transgression. It's the double standard that offends Weiner supporters, myself included.
- Patrick Diehl thinks it must be hotter than Satan's hemorrhoids out there today.
- Patrick Diehl lost five pounds by spending hours mowing the lawn in 95 degree heat. Still willing to tweet photo of myself in boxers but I won't resign.
- Visiting Thomas Jefferson’s historic Monticello today, Sarah Palin paid tribute to the nation’s third President, telling an audience of supporters, “We must never forget the wisdom of Jefferson and his wife, Weezy.”
- Patrick Diehl is watching the French Open with Anita and the kids. When told Roger Federer is Swiss, eight-year-old Maya said, "He sweats? Well, you would too if you played tennis."
- Patrick Diehl hopes that when Joe Biden met with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican today, he didn't mention what a big f*cking deal it was.
- Patrick Diehl was just informed by my eight-year-old that the neighbor's dog is a mix of "shit stew" and Yorkie.
- Oprah quit? Who does she think she is, Sarah Palin?!
- Patrick Diehl is amazed at how the mosquitoes in my area are more aggressive than my first ex-wife after a night of heavy drinking.
- Patrick Diehl swears that if I ever meet Chef Boyardee in real life, he's gonna pay for what his canned ravioli did to me last night.
- Patrick Diehl waited and waited but no one started floating skyward today so I had to mow the lawn. Rapture my *ss.
- Patrick Diehl learned that my nine-year-old ran into Lansing Mayor Virg Bernero at a picnic today and complimented him on his recent appearance on the Rachel Maddow Show. I hope the mayor was as impressed as I am.
- Patrick Diehl must admit before it hits the papers that I fathered a child with a member of the household staff ten years ago.
- Patrick Diehl doesn't give a crap if Osama bin Laden collected porn.
- Patrick Diehl thinks Bristol Palin made the wrong choice when she opted for a new face instead of a new mom.
- Patrick Diehl is surprised that Dick Cheney doesn't want us to leave Afghanistan now that bin Laden is shark bait. I mean, it's not like the Halliburton shareholder has a vested interest in staying there as long as possible or anything.
- Patrick Diehl thinks it would have been nice if the same verification process was applied to the "Saddam has WMDs" claim that's been used to discredit a quote by Dr. King circulating in Facebook.
- Patrick Diehl went to the eye doctor yesterday and was told I need bifocals and reading glasses. What's next? Viagra and Depends?
- Patrick Diehl is relieved to read that Exxon earned nearly $11 billion in the first quarter of 2011. I was a little concerned about the company's financial health.
- Patrick Diehl thinks Donald Trump calling Robert DeNiro a "dim bulb" is kinda like Michael Jackson calling Cher "eccentric."
- Patrick Diehl wonders if "nonpartisan" Steph Willis Schlinker, who unfriended me 'cause I disagreed with her, still thinks Rick Snyder is a refreshing, positive politician.
- Patrick Diehl wants a president who's more used to saying, "You're hired" than "You're fired."
- "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it." ~ George Carlin
- A teen pregnancy prevention nonprofit paid Bristol Palin $262,500 in 2009?! Why, oh why couldn't my mother be a stupid ex-governor of Alaska and media whore with a rabid following of ignorant hangers-on?
- Patrick Diehl wishes Facebook would notify us when someone unfriends us so we'd know who to stalk.
- Patrick Diehl just heard this on NPR: "Michele Bachmann said she wants to go to Israel because she wants to see the Eiffel Tower."
- Patrick Diehl is becoming more cynical by the minute.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Is that the sound of chickens I hear?
Back on May 27, I wrote that as much as I dislike Rick Snyder, I thought it was unwise to waste time, money and energy trying to recall him and it made more sense to go after Republican state legislators.
Now I read that 20 of ‘em are
The official paperwork hasn’t yet been filed in some cases and the proposed wording for recall petitions is still being reviewed in others but at least Snyder isn’t the only SOB from the GOP in hot water for attacking democracy, robbing from the poor to give to the rich or other political shenanigans designed to please greedy conservatives at the expense of the rest of us.
The smug pundits and know-it-alls are blabbering about what liberal organizations are behind the campaigns and how exceptionally difficult it is to recall entrenched politicians. Let’s hope the dedicated men and women organizing in legislative districts throughout the state don’t get daunted by the opinions of the Lansing-based, often-as-surprised-as-everybody-else talking heads. Sometimes dismissive comments mask true concern.
Snyder himself told reporters earlier this week that the wave of recalls is "part of democracy." He said, "As a practical matter, to be recalling people…I know in my case I'm just following through on what I said I was going to do."
I paid close attention to the gubernatorial campaign, you lying sack of...er, potatoes, and you never said anything about installing emergency financial managers in predominantly black communities or taxing pensions or killing consumer protection laws or removing the requirement that businesses pay taxes in Michigan. In fact, you didn’t say anything substantive; you relied on clichés and platitudes and a lazy press corps that wouldn’t know a follow-up question if it bit ‘em in the ass. (Note to Tim Skubick: being bombastic and interrupting a lot doesn’t make you a hard-nosed reporter.)
It’s because Snyder’s opponent, Virg Bernero, rubbed people the wrong way and the media decided the election two weeks before it happened that Snyder found himself in the position to plunder and pillage. Thankfully, some of those who supported his misguided machinations will now have to work a little harder to maintain the GOP’s lock on Lansing. They include:
- House Speaker Jase Bolger (63rd House District), Marshall
- Kurt Damrow (84th House District), Port Austin
- Jeff Farrington (30th House District), Utica
- Anthony Forlini (24th House District), Harrison Township
- Nancy Jenkins (57th House District), Clayton
- Joel Johnson (97th House District), Clare
- Andrea LaFontaine (32nd House District), Richmond
- Rick Olson (55th House District), Saline
- Mark Ouimet (52nd House District), Scio Township
- Al Pscholka (79th House District), Stevensville
- Mike Shirkey (65th House District), Clarklake
- Pat Somerville (23rd House District), New Boston
- Dale Zorn (56th House District), Ida
- Sen. Majority Leader Randy Richardville (17th Senate District), Monroe
- Tom Casperson (38th Senate District), Escanaba
- Judy Emmons (33rd Senate District), Sheridan
- Mike Green (31st Senate District), Mayville
- John Moolenaar (36th Senate District), Midland
- Mike Nofs (19th Senate District), Jackson
- Howard Walker (37th Senate District), Traverse City
If these recalls are successful and Democrats win the seats, it tips the balance of power in the Legislature, giving the minority party power to influence or block legislation.
I love it when chickens come home to roost.
Sources: Detroit News, BloggingforMichigan.com, U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
How about if women control their bodies and we control ours?
I saw on television last night that intolerant bottom-feeders from a group called “Personhood USA,” emboldened by successful efforts to restrict abortion in various backwards state legislatures, are now brazenly going after the practice of contraception. They want to define “personhood” as beginning at fertilization, in effect making the use of birth control a crime.
First of all, don’t these single-toothed, knuckle-dragging, cousin-diddling freaks see the ridiculousness in making sure all the cute little babies get born only to abandon them to lives of potential abuse and neglect, underfunded education, limited and finite resources, questionable opportunity and reliance in many cases on tattered, shrinking social safety nets?
Secondly, can’t these narrow-minded, Bible-thumping, arrogant, self-righteous twits keep their religion in their homes and churches and stop trying to force it down everybody else’s throats like the puréed peas I used to make my infant daughter consume much to her displeasure?
Thirdly, can’t these stupid, mouth-breathing, Wal-Mart-shopping, creationist dweebs find a different issue on which to motivate their feeble-minded brethren, perhaps something based on science and not the rudimentary and contradictory writings of ancient, ignorant, controlling men? The medical community has long believed fertilization doesn’t mark the beginning of a pregnancy; fertilized eggs must first be implanted, and only about half of fertilized eggs actually result in a pregnancy.
Around 11 million American women use birth control pills and another two million use intrauterine devices (IUDs). If the zealots from “Personhood USA” succeed in getting their laws passed – they intend to get proposals on the ballot in nearly half the states by next year – and the laws then survive court challenges, countless women could suddenly find themselves at risk of criminal prosecution for controlling their own bodies.
What about all the ectopic pregnancies – when fertilized eggs implant outside the uterus, most often settling in the fallopian tubes – and spontaneous abortions, which are surprisingly common and occur so early in many cases that women never know they were pregnant?
I hate how pandering politicians disregard the input of people who go to esteemed medical schools and study science and become experts in human reproduction, listening instead to the unreasonable, emotion-laden declarations of people who believe in talking snakes and zombies emerging from caves and ascending to Heaven. I can’t figure out why a growing number of politicians support a nutzoid fringe group’s attempts to buck medical expertise and stuff their faith down the country’s throats. And I can’t for the life of me explain to my children why everything in Lansing and Washington is so frikkin’ crazy and is only getting worse.
Sources: Thinkprogress.org, Estronaut.com
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