Saturday, June 11, 2011

Favorite Status Updates Part 3

Time for more favorite Facebook status updates, in random order:

  • Patrick Diehl is sorry to kill your Friday night party buzz, but does anybody else wonder why we're bombing Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Pakistan and Yemen? I shudder to think how things would look if we didn't have a Nobel Peace Prize winner in the White House.

  • "You know what makes a really great businessman? When your father has $400 million dollars, and dies. Or as Trump calls it, 'the art of the deal'." ~ Bill Maher

  • It's the hypocrisy of the right that spurs me to give Anthony Weiner a pass. No one's vilifying Gingrich or Vitter or Sanford or Ensign or Schwarzenegger for genuine infidelity, yet Weiner's being clobbered for a less significant, albeit stupid, transgression. It's the double standard that offends Weiner supporters, myself included.

  • Patrick Diehl thinks it must be hotter than Satan's hemorrhoids out there today.

  • Patrick Diehl lost five pounds by spending hours mowing the lawn in 95 degree heat. Still willing to tweet photo of myself in boxers but I won't resign.

  • Visiting Thomas Jefferson’s historic Monticello today, Sarah Palin paid tribute to the nation’s third President, telling an audience of supporters, “We must never forget the wisdom of Jefferson and his wife, Weezy.”

  • Patrick Diehl is watching the French Open with Anita and the kids. When told Roger Federer is Swiss, eight-year-old Maya said, "He sweats? Well, you would too if you played tennis."

  • Patrick Diehl hopes that when Joe Biden met with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican today, he didn't mention what a big f*cking deal it was.

  • Patrick Diehl was just informed by my eight-year-old that the neighbor's dog is a mix of "shit stew" and Yorkie.

  • Oprah quit? Who does she think she is, Sarah Palin?!

  • Patrick Diehl is amazed at how the mosquitoes in my area are more aggressive than my first ex-wife after a night of heavy drinking.

  • Patrick Diehl swears that if I ever meet Chef Boyardee in real life, he's gonna pay for what his canned ravioli did to me last night.

  • Patrick Diehl waited and waited but no one started floating skyward today so I had to mow the lawn. Rapture my *ss.

  • Patrick Diehl learned that my nine-year-old ran into Lansing Mayor Virg Bernero at a picnic today and complimented him on his recent appearance on the Rachel Maddow Show. I hope the mayor was as impressed as I am.

  • Patrick Diehl must admit before it hits the papers that I fathered a child with a member of the household staff ten years ago.

  • Patrick Diehl doesn't give a crap if Osama bin Laden collected porn.

  • Patrick Diehl thinks Bristol Palin made the wrong choice when she opted for a new face instead of a new mom.

  • Patrick Diehl is surprised that Dick Cheney doesn't want us to leave Afghanistan now that bin Laden is shark bait. I mean, it's not like the Halliburton shareholder has a vested interest in staying there as long as possible or anything.

  • Patrick Diehl thinks it would have been nice if the same verification process was applied to the "Saddam has WMDs" claim that's been used to discredit a quote by Dr. King circulating in Facebook.

  • Patrick Diehl went to the eye doctor yesterday and was told I need bifocals and reading glasses. What's next? Viagra and Depends?

  • Patrick Diehl is relieved to read that Exxon earned nearly $11 billion in the first quarter of 2011. I was a little concerned about the company's financial health.

  • Patrick Diehl thinks Donald Trump calling Robert DeNiro a "dim bulb" is kinda like Michael Jackson calling Cher "eccentric."

  • Patrick Diehl wonders if "nonpartisan" Steph Willis Schlinker, who unfriended me 'cause I disagreed with her, still thinks Rick Snyder is a refreshing, positive politician.

  • Patrick Diehl wants a president who's more used to saying, "You're hired" than "You're fired."

  • "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it." ~ George Carlin

  • A teen pregnancy prevention nonprofit paid Bristol Palin $262,500 in 2009?! Why, oh why couldn't my mother be a stupid ex-governor of Alaska and media whore with a rabid following of ignorant hangers-on?

  • Patrick Diehl wishes Facebook would notify us when someone unfriends us so we'd know who to stalk.

  • Patrick Diehl just heard this on NPR: "Michele Bachmann said she wants to go to Israel because she wants to see the Eiffel Tower."

  • Patrick Diehl is becoming more cynical by the minute.

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