Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sending in the clowns

Photo courtesy ABC News

The Talking Points Memo website listed the top five moments of last night’s GOP presidential “debate” – if by “debate,” you mean completely ignore the question and offer your cute sound bite or pandering platitude in a desperate attempt to get featured on Youtube and CNN – as follows:

1. The boring governor of Minnesota, Tim Pawlenty, decides not to insult Robotron Romney to his face – they were expected to lock horns over Pawlenty’s recent attacks on Massachusett’s health care plan – opting instead to prove that he’s even more milquetoast than, well, milquetoast.

2. The batshit crazy Michele Bachmann “steals the show” by officially declaring she’s an Oval Office contender. This means political celebrity Sarah Palin will have to continue to share the Spotlight of Stupid with another ditz with big hair who thinks history is malleable and ignorance is appealing.

3. The rich black guy who made his fortune selling pizzas reveals he’s still a racist prick. Asked for clarification regarding past anti-Muslim comments, Herman Cain essentially says he still isn’t eager to employ followers of Islam in his administration.

4. Newt Gingrich criticizes the GOP’s radical Medicare plan again – under the plan, crafted by Paul Ryan (R-WI), the government would no longer cover seniors' health expenses as Medicare has since the 1960s but would provide a certain amount of money to health insurers, with the exact coverage not locked in – and reportedly says, “If you can't convince the American people it's a good idea, maybe it’s not a good idea.” Kinda like your candidacy, Newt?

5. Governor Milquetoast announces he’s got a Medicare plan that’s better than Ryan’s. Then he says, “neener neener neener.”

I confess that I didn’t actually watch the “debate.” I tried to. I turned it on just as moderator John King – who, if he was paid a dollar every time he followed up with “Uh huh” after an answer, became a very rich man last night – was asking Bachmann if she was a fan of Elvis or Johnny Cash. Although she was supposed to choose one answer, she replied, “Both.” Looks like we have another maverick on our hands, folks.

Not in the mood to consider such serious, complex, probing questions, I chose instead to watch Christina Aguilera behave like a snotty, conceited wench on NBC’s “The Voice.” I figured if I was going to watch a bunch of people try to outdo each other and pander to the audience, there might as well be music.

By the way, I would have answered, “The Man in Black.”

Source: Talking Points Memo

1 comment:

  1. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the term "batshit crazy" in reference to Michelle Bachmann, I'd be richer than John King!

    I also thought Mitt Romney looked like a game show host, with that perma-smirk. But I stopped watching as soon as the hockey game came on!