What I've Learned in 50 Years

Today is my 50th birthday. I assumed it would be just another day but as I drove from one errand to the next this morning, with Ben and Jerry trying to sleep in the passenger seat, I found myself thinking, “Holy sh*t! I’m 50!” Then I said, “I’m half a frikkin’ century old!” and “I’ve got five stinkin’ decades under my belt!” out loud. My dogs looked at me as if to say, “We couldn’t care less, dude. Just shut up and drive, willya?” So I decided to post my reflections and mutterings here in “What’s the Diehl?” instead:

1. I’m an extremely lucky man.
2. “You’re only as old as you feel” is true.
3. Life doesn’t get easier as one grows older; it becomes harder in lots of ways.
4. Growing old, as my parents say, isn’t for wussies.
5. Selfless politicians are the exception, not the norm.
6. Children, exercise, love and a good diet keep us younger.
7. Old dogs can learn new tricks.
8. War is wrong.
9. Life is better when it includes love.
10. Speaking of dogs, life is better when it includes them too.
11. Money may not buy happiness but happiness is much more likely if we don’t need to worry about money.
12. I wish I knew when I was young what I know now.
13. I wish I knew more now.
14. Those who can go to college should go.
15. Those who go to college shouldn’t drop out.
16. Religion is bad.
17. Masturbation is forever.
18. A majority of the things that matter when we’re young stop mattering at some point.
19. One can never eat too much asparagus, beef stroganoff, grilled cheese sandwiches or ice cream cake.
20. Cotton candy, black licorice, sushi, beef jerky and feta cheese were created by Satan to remind us that evil exists.
21. We grow up thinking most people are basically good; at some point we come to the realization that the good ones are in fact the exception and should be cherished like the last present on Christmas morning.
22. Beta fish are not supposed to live longer than the time it takes to change a light bulb.
23. It’s true that we don’t know what we got ‘til it’s gone.
24. “Live and let live” should be viewed as a commandment, not a song lyric.
25. The sexual orientation of others is none of my business.
26. Books are good.
27. We’re going to hurt the ones we love; we’ve got to make sure it’s never on purpose.
28. It’s a shame that so many of us take our parents for granted.
29. Alcohol, mirrors and sport utility vehicles are overrated.
30. As my friend Carol Misseldine taught me, everyone’s trying to manage their lives as best they can given their backgrounds, resources, wants and circumstances so it’s wise to look upon others with compassion and tolerance rather than judgment and contempt.
31. Tattoos are cool.
32. Some things really are stupid. These include attending high school reunions, wearing toupees, getting breast implants and voting for someone based on celebrity endorsements.
33. It’s easy to forget how exciting the first day of school and last day before summer vacation felt.
34. It’s true that those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
35. Regret is helpful only to the extent that it spurs us to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
36. Forgiveness is sweeter than revenge.
37. Spending time in jail is nothing to be ashamed of if it helps us learn something.
38. Online friendships, pencil sharpeners and toothpaste are underrated.
39. Everything changes and nothing is guaranteed.
40. It’s fun to say, “Ypsilanti,” “cornucopia,” “onamonapia,” “mackerel,” “plethora” and “salutations.”
41. Obligations suck.
42. Just because family members share the same blood doesn’t mean they deserve to be in our lives.
43. Being estranged from one’s offspring, however, never stops hurting.
44. Few things are as beautiful as tears of joy, the laughter of a child, being rewarded for hard work and feeling loved.
45. Thankfully, time does heal most wounds.
46. Marijuana ought to be legal.
47. Ferris Wheels ought to be illegal.
48. Having potential doesn’t mean sh*t if it isn’t used.
49. It’s important to keep promises.
50. The meaning of life is to find meaning in life.

I look forward to posting another 50 pearls of wisdom on March 15, 2062.