You don’t have to be a pilot to fly to São Paulo

Am I still a writer if I can easily define an independent clause but not a predicate or a relative pronoun?

Must I know how to diagram a sentence in order to legitimately claim I’m a professional communicator, a lover of words and messages?

I like the ‘language meaning’ aspect of linguistics – I truly love choosing the perfect word, and a good idiom can make me tingle all over – but I’m less comfortable with the ‘language form’ part. I’ve had to look up ‘collocation’ and the ‘who vs. whom’ rule and I’m not always sure my verbs agree with my subjects.

I used to spend lots of time with two roommates from another country who were learning English. They’d constantly ask me why Americans say this or speak that way or use this word in place of another. I can’t count how many times I was pressed to explain the rules of grammar, identify parts of speech and define adverbs and conjunctions and compound split infinitives. I’d always try to stumble through, clenching my jaw and hiding my discomfort at feeling unqualified to teach something I’ve been doing for decades. I’d point out that even longtime English users aren’t always the best teachers – a claim that would be met with eye rolls and foreign words that I’m pretty sure weren’t complimentary.

At the time, I was driving from Lansing to Ann Arbor every Friday night for private Portuguese lessons with a highly educated, experienced tutor. My instructor, Lidiane, had lesson plans and handouts and would even play Brazilian music while we studied. I was glad my teacher knew how to teach and I would’ve felt sorry for the roommates who were relying on me except they weren’t paying me like I was paying Lidiane. And you get what you pay for.

I’m fine with beginning sentences with “And” and “But” and ending them with prepositions. I use passive voice to make a point and let single sentences serve as paragraphs. I enjoy peppering sentences with dependent clauses, words and phrases that flow and add color but can’t stand alone. I dig semantics, respect syntax, am crazy about contractions, think alliteration is awesome and don’t believe it’s always bad to use long sentences.

My mother was a high school English teacher for a gazillion years so maybe I’ve benefited from osmosis. In any event, it’s good that we don’t have to know the chemical compound of sand in order to enjoy playing in a sandbox.

For the record, it’s silicon dioxide. Obrigado, Google.