Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mark + Gabby


I’ve added U.S. Representative Gabrielle “Gabby” Giffords (D-AZ) and her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly, to my “People I Dig” list for a number of reasons.

First, it’s worth stating again how amazing, how utterly magical and fantastic and kickass it is that someone can get shot through the brain and not only survive but recover, undergo rehabilitation and learn to walk and talk again, and even return to their job (albeit briefly). Just a year after the assassination attempt outside a suburban Tucson grocery store that critically wounded her, killed six others and injured 13 more, Representative Giffords announced herself – not through a staffer or spokesperson – that she’s stepping down as congresswoman for Arizona’s 8th congressional district to focus on healing (and presumably to enable her constituents to be served by someone better able to concentrate on the job).

Secondly, Mark Kelly is a frikkin’ Space Shuttle Commander (I don’t know if that should all be capitalized but it just seems like it to me), pilot and U.S. Navy captain who flew combat missions during the Gulf War and has earned 16 medals, including the Legion of Merit award and the Distinguished Flying Cross. He explored space in 2001, 2006, 2008 and last May, when he commanded the space shuttle Endeavor. How cool is that?!

But the main reason I’m writing about these two is because my friend Tanya Cabala posted a video clip in Facebook a few days ago of Representative Giffords announcing her temporary retirement from public service (see below). The video contains a number of heartwarming images, including Mark keeping vigil at his wife’s hospital bed while clutching her hand (:19) and the two strolling hand-in-hand down the sidewalk (1:14). There’s a photo at 1:41 of Gabby and Mark at a food kitchen; she has her arm around his neck and she’s smiling at the camera. He’s smiling too, but he’s looking at her, not the photographer, and I may be full of sh*t – this might be nothing more than romantic projection on my part, I admit – but I see love in his eyes, love and fear and commitment and attachment, and it’s just beautiful. He almost lost her and his expression seems to convey that he knows it, how lucky she is and he is and they are.

Maybe he’s not even looking at her – maybe some good-looking newswoman or kitchen staffer caught his eye as she walked by out of frame – but I prefer to think he’s looking at the love of his life and feeling thankful that photos like the one being taken right at that moment can still be taken, that their bond continues, that they’ve made it through a dark, horrible tunnel and they’re emerging into the light, together, arm-in-arm.

No one knows how challenging it can be to maintain a relationship with another person better than I. I know how rare it is to find true love and I’ve learned how fragile it can be. So the fact that Mark remains at Gabby’s side is more than just a testament to his character or more proof that tragedy can strengthen ties and bring people closer together just as easily as it can send them on their separate ways. It speaks, for me, to the awesome, magical, almost scary power of love.

I hope they don’t split up in the coming months or years. (Couples I’ve admired have done this, which really disappoints me.) I hope they grow old together like my parents – who celebrated their 32nd anniversary last month – or Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, who’ve been married since 1988 which in Hollywood years equals 161 years.

Because life really is enriched, better, brighter and more rewarding when it’s shared with a best friend. I learned this when I lost mine.

Thank you for your service, Gabby and Mark, and congratulations.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Pat -- This is a sweet commentary about a very special video and a very special woman. I have to provide a different perspective, however, based on my life experience. I am very happy when I see people in good relationships and when they profess to have found the love of their lives. But there is an alternative universe for some of us, and having society in general push the concept that the overriding goal of life is a romantic relationships creates unrealistic expectations and sometimes incorrect expectations. I was married and miserable for 16 years. But I don't see that as a mistake. I see it as just part of my life and part of my learning experience. Part of what has made me who I am. Plus, I got wonderful kids from the union. In the years since, I've had one serious relationship that lasted 4 years. I loved the guy and he filled a need I had at the time for a best friend and romantic relationship. It was good to celebrate Valentines Day and to have someone accompany me to family gatherings. We are not together now and it hurt for some time, but I am still alive and I have a great life. Plus,I don't pine for him or what we had. And I have to admit that I wouldn't be who I am, who I am supposed to be if I was still married to my kid's dad, or if I was with my former boyfriend or with someone else. Being on my own has pushed me to do things I otherwise would not have, and it has pushed me to value my family and friend relationships more than if I was focused on a romantic relationship. If we look at history we can see that some people just needed to be on their own, or when forced to be on their own, did important things. Not that I am in that category, but I am who I am because I have been mostly on my own. I believe in reincarnation, that we live many lives, and that the goal is to experience being human - and that does not always mean we will have a deep romantic love every lifetime. I am open to a relationship, but I don't need one and value my life as a single woman. I wish society could at least occasionally present that as a worthwhile alternative.

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  2. Thanks for your comments, Tanya. I appreciate your perspective and am glad you pointed out that not everyone needs a mate/partner in order to have a fulfilling, meaningful life.

    Some do, however, for whatever reason(s), and I'm one of 'em.

    I'm with you on bucking society's myopic expectations when they don't work for us. Indeed, that's the only way to evolve and achieve progress.

    Thanks again.

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  3. Thank you,Pat. I appreciate your blogs and hope you find love again.

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