Favorite Status Updates Part 4

Time for more Facebook status updates, in random order:

• Patrick Diehl wonders if it's wrong to feel like going over to the house of the person who unfriended me in Facebook and demand an explanation and apology.

• Patrick Diehl is grateful.

• Patrick Diehl was just asked why I was meeting with a lawyer because according to my son, that's the only time I shave.

• Patrick Diehl heard that the Michigan Court of Appeals ruled that medical marijuana dispensaries are illegal. What a buzz kill.

• "It may be necessary temporarily to accept a lesser evil, but one must never label a necessary evil as good." ~ Margaret Mead

• Patrick Diehl wishes the battery in my Android lasted half as long as the one in my kids' Nintendo DS.

• "The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all." ~ John F. Kennedy

• "How the hell did we get into a world where workers making $60,000 are overpaid but CEOs making millions are overtaxed?" ~ A Facebook user

• Patrick Diehl heard that Michelle Bachmann won yesterday's Iowa straw poll, putting her one step closer to challenging Barack Obama. People, do we need any more proof that Iowa sucks and should not play such a prominent role in American politics?

• Patrick Diehl thinks if corporations are people, then Exxon-Mobil and BP are slick and greasy, General Electric is a dim bulb and Wal-Mart is one fat, loud, obnoxious, cheap piece of sh*t.

• Patrick Diehl thinks if I receive one more letter or e-mail message touting the benefits of AARP membership, somebody's gonna see just what kind of punch I can still pack.

• "You cannot negotiate with people who say, 'What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is negotiable.'" ~ John F. Kennedy

• "Honestly, we should talk about the fact that during the financial crisis, S&P was handing out AAA ratings to any pile of junk tall enough to reach the doorbell and ask. So they do not have the most credibility on this." ~ Rachel Maddow

• Patrick Diehl was just told by my eight-year-old to be more pacific with my answers.

• "If you have to rely on Facebook status updates to know when you have to go vote, you should probably do everyone a favor and just stay home." ~ Eric Baerren

• "If I ever get a divorce I want Barack Obama to be my ex-wife's lawyer in the settlement so I'll get everything." ~ John Fugelsang

• "Let's get this straight: I don't particularly care why they need help, if they're drug addled, if they're lazy and sick, crippled, any of it. My interest in feeding the hungry and clothing the shirtless does not exist because I think THEY'RE particularly good people. It exists because I know I am." ~ Mike Barber

• Patrick Diehl wonders if someone who teases twelve-week-old puppies with a vacuum cleaner is going to hell. I'm, um, asking for a friend.

• Patrick Diehl just came back from seeing "Captain America" with the kids. Send money or I'll reveal whose side he's on.

• “Government is the Entertainment Division of the military-industrial complex." ~ Frank Zappa

• "Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka gave birth to a baby girl. The baby's name is 'Trump Granddaughter and Casino.'" ~ Conan O'Brien

• Even the game Monopoly has a luxury tax.

• "If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

• Patrick Diehl was surprised when Maya, who was sitting next to me talking to her mother on my cell phone, decided to spell something that she didn't want me to hear. WTF?

• Patrick Diehl just heard there's a new show on the History Channel called, "Mounted in Alaska." I assume it's about Bristol Palin.

• “There is a price to pay for speaking the truth. There is a bigger price for living a lie." ~ Dr. Cornel West

• Patrick Diehl thinks the real scandal is that the married congressman who consorted with prostitutes while wearing diapers is still in office while the one who sent icky text messages is out. Liberal media bias my ass.

• "No one would be foolish enough to choose war over peace - in peace sons bury their fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons." ~ Croesus of Lydia

• Patrick Diehl just read that Senator John Kerry owns a ton of Comcast stock. I never liked that bastard.

• "Let he who is without sin show his internet browser history." ~ Sexy Liberal

• What?! They scrapped the food pyramid?! Now how am I gonna know how to eat?

• Nancy Grace is not a natural blond. Pass it on.

• In honor of those who made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our freedoms, I ate too much and got a painful sunburn.

• Patrick Diehl kind of resented being laughed at by two little neighborhood girls just now as I exited my van and opened a child-sized Spiderman umbrella.

• Now that Ashton Kutcher has been signed to replace Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men," I'm still not gonna watch that piece of crap show.

• Patrick Diehl is standing watch, coffee in hand, in case any giant rabbits try to dump their eggs and jelly beans on my property.

• Patrick Diehl went on a field trip with Maya to Woldumar Nature Center and had an amazing time. Sure hope there's money in the budget for more of these because the kids love 'em and they learn a lot....what? Millionaires need tax breaks? Never mind.

• Patrick Diehl remembers when Donald Trump praised the Clintons, bashed the Iraq War and labeled Dubya the Worst President Ever. Then he caught something from Dennis Miller and became a dickhead.

• Patrick Diehl is sure glad there's a Nobel Peace Prize winner in the White House or else we might engage in military actions that we can ill afford.

• Patrick Diehl is getting too old for this sh*t.