Time for more of my favorite Facebook status updates, in no particular order:
- Patrick Diehl is thinking of celebrating Columbus Day by walking into someone’s house with my friends and telling the homeowners that we live there now.
- Patrick Diehl just listened to Rick Pluta interview Republican candidate for Michigan governor Rick Snyder. If this cliché-spewing boob becomes governor, I’ll shoot myself in the head. Twice.
- Patrick Diehl is heading to Tequama…Takwamma…Tecquammen…to a waterfall in the Upper Peninsula.
- Patrick Diehl was told by my five-year-old that she resented having to give money for popcorn at school and everything should be free. “How would people get money to pay bills?,” I asked. “They’d get jobs,” she answered. “What jobs could they get if everything was free and you couldn’t even sell popcorn?,” I asked. She paused and answered, “Well, it doesn’t make sense to you but it makes sense to me.”
- “Time heals all wounds. Except decapitation. That’s pretty much a non-healing situation no matter how much clock you’re runnin’.” ~ Dane Cook
- Patrick Diehl wonders why some people – bill collectors, political opponents, ex-wives – think if they talk at the same time as you are they’ll somehow emerge from the conversation the victor? It’s called l-i-s-t-e-n-i-n-g, people….
- Patrick Diehl wonders why when there are so many choices on the restaurant menu, the kids still order macaroni & cheese and hot dogs?
- Patrick Diehl is so disappointed. The nasty weather has put the kibosh on our work-out-at-the-gym plans for tonight. Now I’ve got nothing to do except sit on the couch and watch TV while snacking on munchies. I was so looking forward to perspiring and not being able to walk while my head pounded and I gasped for breath.
- Patrick Diehl swore I would NEVER succumb to the consumption-oriented temptation of Black Friday. I vowed never to join the mindless cattle worshipping at the Altar of Commercialism. I’m writing this at Meridian Mall as I wait for Anita to emerge from Old Navy….
- Patrick Diehl remembers when Saturday Night Live was funny.
- Patrick Diehl thinks it’s cool that wherever you stand in Michigan, you’re within 85 miles of a Great Lake.
- “Few is the number who think with their own minds and feel with their own hearts.” ~ Albert Einstein
- Patrick Diehl looks forward to having a field day at my kids’ Field Day today.
- Patrick Diehl wonders why there isn’t more noise in Facebook about the upcoming Comcast/NBC merger. Comcast has been a foe of net neutrality and the worst customer service provider in my memory. Doesn’t this have implications?
- Patrick Diehl is glad I’m not Mel Gibson.
- Patrick Diehl wants to walk up to each and every one of the 34,046 Facebook users who “like” BP America, grab them by their ears and scream into their faces, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?”
- “War does not determine who is right – only who is left.” ~ Bertrand Russell
- “Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” ~ Albert Einstein
- Patrick Diehl wonders why Helen Thomas was vilified and lost her job for her comments about Israel while Patrick Buchanan can insult African-Americans, immigrants, Jews, gays, women and even democracy and still guffaw and chuckle on television ad nauseam.
- “In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.” ~ H.L. Mencken
- When asked what she should feed our new goldfish, our five-year-old replied matter-of-factly, “bacon.”
- “When the last tree is felled, the last river poisoned and the last fish is caught, then you will see perhaps that you cannot eat money.” ~ Chief Seattle
- “Did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?” ~ Malia Obama, referring to the BP oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico
- “It’s much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.” ~ Mike Royko
- Patrick Diehl can’t stand how the media continue to bolster and spruce up the Tea Party. It is NOT a grassroots movement of populists concerned with fiscal restraint. It’s a bunch of racist, anti-immigrant, knuckle-dragging ignoramuses who think shrieking “Socialist!” at political opponents conveys intellect and worldliness.
- Patrick Diehl just learned that the Yale School of Medicine is creating a fellowship in obesity studies, sponsored by PepsiCo. Fitting.
- Patrick Diehl watched my son score a touchdown on the first play of his first flag football game, then pull some flags and make some interceptions on top of that. Visions of college scholarships are now dancing in my head.
- Patrick Diehl wants to escape with my family to some sparsely-populated tropical island where there are no cars, politicians, scales or churches and neighbor helps neighbor, health care is a right, and ignorance and hatred are concepts from the past.
- Patrick Diehl thinks maybe today would be a good day to figure out what the kids have done with all the umbrellas.
- “All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.” ~ Oscar Wilde
- “We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.” ~ Japanese proverb
- Patrick Diehl was just informed by my five-year-old that her favorite song is “Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” Maybe this isn’t a good thing.
- Patrick Diehl realizes it’s relatively trivial but if one more self-centered, snobbish witch with unruly spawn steals my deck chairs at the Michigan Athletic Club pool, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.
- Patrick Diehl was just asked by my nine-year-old son Bryant if I needed a sidekick when fighting the wasps in our garage. From now on we will be known as Patman and B-Boy.
- Patrick Diehl watched ABC News’ coverage of the Shirley Sherrod scandal and George Snuffleupagus made it sound like the Left is as responsible for deliberate misrepresentation in politics as the Right. The story barely mentioned Andrew Breitbart, the right-wing blogger who caused the whole thing. ABC News: you suck!
- Patrick Diehl just yelled at my ten-year-old to “Turn down that Bach!”
- Patrick Diehl wonders exactly when racism, ignorance, intolerance and lies became embraceable. I’m sad that my kids are growing up in a world where war is good, mosques are bad, life is not precious unless it’s unborn and the loudest, not the sanest, wins. If God exists, surely She is weeping.
- Patrick Diehl thinks maybe my nine-year-old is taking Mario Brothers on the Nintendo DS a little too seriously since after losing a life he muttered, “I really, really hate you people.”
- Patrick Diehl just learned that according to the Death Clock, I’m going to die on Wednesday, January 26, 2033 – the 196th anniversary of Michigan’s admission into the union. For some reason I’m cool with that.
- “God has no religion.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
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