Fixin' sh*t.

Some guys can change car engines or guitar strings.

I have a hard time changing my mind.

Some guys can fix clocks and install ceiling fans and lay new floors and rewire electrical systems.

If I have writers’ block, I can’t do anything.

Some guys can cook and paint and sing and rebuild. They can take care o’ business, determine what’s wrong and make it right again. They can make cars, bikes, houses and lives better with their bare hands.

I’ve had to search the internet to find out how to change a fuse.

I used to watch my dad install and repair and renovate and enhance, and I’d pass him tools and grunt respectfully as he went to great pains to explain precisely what he was doing. I never got it, though.

Some people just have the aptitude, the knack, the confidence, the intuition. Not me. It used to be an issue – I wondered what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t like other guys, but I couldn’t diagnose that problem either – until I decided I’d just have to make friends with handy people and hire professionals to fix what broke, what stopped working, what died, what ceased to do the job.

This was a fine strategy when I had money to spend and time to make and keep friends. But now that funds are so tight and friends have taken a back seat to family, there’s more of a need to find out for myself why the porch lights don’t light, the toilet doesn’t flush, the lawn mower doesn’t start and the garage door ignores my push of its button. ‘Trial and error’ has thus far been heavy on the error.

I’ve accumulated an impressive array of tools over the years. I really need to find out what they do.

I’m lucky I have a patient, accepting partner – who, fortunately, is no slouch in the home repair department – and kids who could break more than they do but don’t. I’ve promised Anita that when the money starts rolling in, when I sell my book or hit the lottery or find a benefactor willing to underwrite my writing, I’ll fix what ails us and restore our home to showcase condition.

Even Michigan’s own Tim Allen, star of TV’s “Home Improvement,” probably wasn’t as good at googling as I am. And no one is better at finding a parking spot at Lowe’s.