Thanks

Freedom from Want, Norman Rockwell, 1943

No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope or fear;
But, grateful, take the good I find,
The best of now and here.

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

When I was young and still with my parents, Thanksgiving was Rockwellian, with a kids’ table and football and parades and conflicts with relatives and an abundance of succulent food, sweet potatoes and cranberries and stuffing and pumpkin pie with whipped cream and turkey, of course, white and dark, and enough to provide several sandwiches worth of leftovers.

Then when I was on my own, there was less food, fewer eaters, not as much noise and confrontation and fewer dirty dishes. The day became about taking inventory and measuring progress toward goals.

One year I catsat on Turkey Day, warming a dry, flavorless TV dinner in a friend’s unfamiliar microwave and eating it alone in her sparse dining room. I felt sorry for myself and acknowledged out loud that things don’t always end up the way we want, that being tied to particular outcomes, assumptions and expectations can indeed be a mistake.

This was the period during which I thought about how different my Thanksgivings had always been from those of Native Americans, people who rely on missions and not moms, and citizens of other countries who don’t adhere to Hallmark holidays and capitalist calendars.

Now, with love and family again, the noise and good food are back. The five courses, kids’ table, trashed kitchen and leftovers are again part of the Thanksgiving experience (as is Black Friday, sadly, although that’s going to change). But there’s still a nagging feeling that gratitude is lost amidst the Very Special Episodes and bottles of wine, that the true meaning of this holiday has, like the others, become twisted and obscured by time and distractions.

Seems like the Leader of the Free World should be too busy, at least this year, to grin and pardon a turkey for amused photographers. Seems like every day should include the giving of thanks, not just the one day in November that marks the onset of shopping.

I’m thankful for my family – my challenging, stunning, loving and sensitive wife, four sweet, smart, exceptional children, amazing parents, and other relatives who are out of my life but still in my heart – and friends and health and home. I’m thankful to be free and able to say whatever I want. I’m thankful to not be alone, to not have to eat TV dinners or depend on the kindness of strangers. I’m thankful that I know what I know and still have so much more to learn. I’m thankful for music and fire and nature and the internet, for nearby hospitals and not-for-profit organizations, for laptop computers and playful puppies and people willing to be pepper-sprayed for what they believe. And I’m thankful that there are readers for what I write.

Not just today, but every day.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget

that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy